I stand alone looking at the road ahead of me. I cannot remember the last time I was alone or the last time I was single. Here I stand pushing aside the urge to look behind me. “I will not have any regrets,” I whisper to myself.  I will not lose hope.  The decision was made, and here I stand divorced again.

I walked down the stairs, my legs shaking with each step as self-doubt churned in the pit of stomach. I was leaving the security blanket that I had known for years.  “What am I doing?” I thought. A nauseous fear began creeping its way into the pit of my stomach making me question my decision – my abilities. I swallowed back the fear thinking “I can do this” as I took me and my wobbling legs out the door of our house.

Here I stand alone in my new home, the silence strangely comforting. There was no longer “honey I’m home” or a kiss on the cheek. There was no longer tension hanging heavy in the air. The only sound was my steps across the tile as I walked to the refrigerator to see what I would have for dinner.  The dinner routine that I had followed for years was now put to rest.  “I can have whatever I wanted,” I thought.  I looked into a practically empty refrigerator wondering if I would hear an echo if I asked “what should I eat?”

Here I sit alone in my backyard watching the evening sky come alive with a spectrum of colors from hues of blues to dazzling lavenders. During this transformation, the stars emerged with their brilliance twinkling back at me. I gazed at the stars thinking of the possibility and hope that each one contained. The cool evening breeze sighs through the trees and brushes across my face. I lend back in the chair smiling at the change was surrounding me.

Here I stand alone at a fork in the road that is my life. I haven’t been single in over 20 years. Instead of drowning in a sea of perceived hopelessness, I reached out to the many stars that were winking back out me. I basked in the opportunities that lay ahead of me. This is my journey, and I will take the lead. I think I will go get a pizza.

pizza

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